Let’s be clear. You can get intimate with whomever you want. I’m not here to judge. I’m here to tell you that your behaviour influences whether you are getting what you really want out of life and love.
If you are looking for a committed relationship and the best ways to optimise getting the partner you want, do not sleep with them on the first night.
Sure, there are men and women out there who have slept with their partners the minute they met them and lived happily ever after but that’s as rare as finding a red diamond.
Interestingly, casual sex is more likely to happen with casual dating arrangements, meeting up with exes or within friendships.
Casual sex interferes with finding your Mr or Ms Right and can erode your self-esteem and lead to more loneliness.
I know it is a nice idea in theory that we can have one-night stands and the next day go about our business, but in practice it doesn’t work.
This is because research has shown men tend to just want sex and women tend to want a lot more. Women will often want to feel desired, attractive and wanted. Men will often want lots of sex.
Research has also demonstrated women are flattered when a man wants to bed them yet women don’t realise is that a man lowers his ‘standards’ hugely for a one-night stand, so the compliment is an illusion.
Also, women worry more than men about the risk of being left with an STI or getting pregnant.
All of this and hormones leads to us having different emotional responses to a one night stand the next morning.
Anne Campbell, a former psychologist at Durham University carried out research on one-night stands and while 80 per cent of the men had overall positive feelings, just 54 percent of the women had positive feelings. Many women felt ‘used’ and were worried about their reputation.
The main hormone released for a woman during sex is oxytocin, the ‘cuddle hormone’. This makes women trust people more and can hinder judgement. Oxytocin is powerful and is not known as the love drug for nothing. Women produce more of it than men.
It makes a woman more likely to fall in love with a man after sex, be it to a stranger who could be the next Ted Bundy or your partner. Hormones can’t decipher.
When a man orgasms, the main hormone released is dopamine, the pleasure hormone. He feels pleasure. So, while you’re planning the wedding, he is tuning his radar into the next pleasurable experience. The bottom line is before sex a woman is thinking clearly and the man is not. After sex, a man is thinking clearly, and the woman is not.
In life, business and love, first impressions are huge. In fact, first impressions are the big deal when it comes to love.
You only get one shot at it, so it must be right. Make no mistake men size you up and put you in one of two categories based on first impressions. Women they bed and women they wed.
Research has shown that men make life changing decisions that critically affect the nature of their relationships within ten minutes of meeting a woman. Men are very instinctive and make up their mind about you before they know you.
Research has also shown when a man first meets a woman it’s usually her personality that makes her seem special to him - even if the woman is very beautiful physically. Being kind, friendly and decent is more likely to create a lasting impression.
The quickest way to smoke out a guy who is wasting your time is to not sleep with him.
The first three months of a relationship are the most delicate and important to set the tone for the whole partnership and if it goes off track it’s hard to get it back on. You deserve to be adored and get the love you deserve.
Even businesses have in place a probation period so their workers can prove their worthiness and commitment.
Don’t give up your power. Instead investigate his worthiness. I call this the holding period, like when an aircraft is holding while they are waiting to land.
If you keep him “holding” and make him work for your love I guarantee you, you’ll have a better man not just in your bed but in your life.
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